trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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