chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
