Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
