p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
