She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
