so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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