you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
