HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
