just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize