So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
