i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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