the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
