White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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