I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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