Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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