I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i believe in u and ur pee
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
