Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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