just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
