Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
