I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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