aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
