Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The power of my boobs compel you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
