did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
