everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
