She's JV to your varsity
bring money and cleavage
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize