Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're a waste of cheezeits
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
