mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
