You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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