my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
