Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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