I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
