i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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