Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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