You work out of a Hotel?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
