Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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