I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
