I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
