If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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