i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize