Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
