glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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