When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
