My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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