Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
