so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
