I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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