My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
