Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
