just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
