i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
