Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am one with the molecules
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
