We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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