Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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