Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
