i just google imaged poop.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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