Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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