South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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