Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize