Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
