What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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