there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
