So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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