Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
