names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
