Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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