i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
