I puked a lego.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize