He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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