I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
