just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize