I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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