Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize