oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
