in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
