That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize